Have you ever felt unsure of whether you really belong where you are at work? Do you really deserve that title? Should you really have gotten that raise? If so, you’re probably experiencing Imposter Syndrome.
We’ve all been there. Here’s how to overcome it.
“I can’t do it.”
It was early one morning, and my manager, Kevin who was a Senior Vice President at the time, called me while I was at the airport headed to meet him at a conference in California. “I’m in the hospital so obviously can’t travel to the meeting. You need to give the keynote speech on my behalf,” he told me.
My first reaction was disbelief. “I can’t do it. You’re billed as the keynote speaker, not me. They want to hear from someone with your title, not mine.” He told me there was no chance he could make it and that he had full confidence in me. “Call me after your presentation and let me know how it went.”
Intellectually, I knew I could deliver the material. After all, I was the one who put together the strategy and the speech. He and I had reviewed and edited the presentation multiple times, and I knew it as well as he did.
But, in the back of my mind I kept thinking about the fact that he was billed as the speaker, not me. The audience was expecting an SVP, not me.
Of course, the presentation went well despite my worries. The meeting organizers and audience really didn’t care who delivered it, as long as they got the message. But, I sure wasted a lot of energy and went through undue anxiety feeling like I was going to be an imposter on stage, fearful I would let down the audience and my manager.
Everyone has felt this way.
Does my experience sound familiar? Have you ever felt like a fraud? You’re in good company.
‘“Any moment someone’s going to find out I’m a total fraud – I can’t possibly live up to what everyone thinks I am.’’ Emma Watson
“There are still days I wake up feeling like a fraud, not sure I should be where I am.’’ Sheryl Sandberg
“The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania, and a complete feeling of: 'I'm a fraud! Oh god, they're on to me! I'm a fraud!" Tina Fay
When we feel like frauds, we sabotage ourselves by feeling like we are undeserving of our job, a raise, praise, or an award. There is widespread acknowledgement that this affects many women, although I know several men also feel they will be discovered as frauds.
Imposter Phenomenon is real… but you can overcome it
A seed of self-doubt is sown, which can take a life of its own especially under stress. In fact there is a scientific name for this: The Imposter Phenomenon; defined as viewing oneself as an fraud due to inability or failure to acknowledge or internalize success.
P.R. Clance identifies some of the traits as discounting praise, denying competence, guilt about success, or needing to be the best. This is not an uncommon issue; in fact, “70% of people will experience at least one episode of this Impostor Phenomenon in their lives.” If you’re curious where you fall on Clance’s imposter scale, you can take the ‘test’ here.
The Imposter Phenomenon manifests itself in unhealthy ways. You feel like you have to work more than 60 hours a week or else your company will discover they put the wrong person in the job. You get excited after you negotiate a good salary just to work even more hours to prove you are deserving. You hesitate to apply to a new job because you feel others are better qualified.
This is all unsustainable behavior and creates a negative, downward spiral to despair and exhaustion. Finding healthy techniques to combat the feeling of fraud is essential to your well being.
If you’re on track to burn out because you’re feeling like an imposter, no one wins. Be objective about your hard work instead of attributing your results to luck. Write down your contributions and keep a file of your accomplishments and results. If you cannot be impartial, ask a mentor, friend, or family member who can be more objective than you.
Sharon Napier, CEO of Partners + Napier, reminds us not to think it’s due to luck when we benefit from our accomplishments. “Don’t think that it was luck and downplay it. I think women sometimes use the word ‘lucky’ to diminish what they’ve accomplished. We all have this little impostor syndrome that can lead us to say: ‘I shouldn’t really be here. I was just in the right place at the right time.’”
If you want to go further back in history, you can refer to this quote from Aristotle: “Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives – choice, not chance, determines your destiny.”